...I'm going to keep these promises.

It's in my personality to be a helicopter parent and smother and redirect and direct my daughter in the "correct" ways of doing things without letting her figure it out on her own. It's a daily struggle to loosen up, but I think (so far) I'm doing a decent job of putting my personality quirks aside to let her develop her own little personality quirks (and they're pretty amazing!). I also think it's important to make promises to hold ourselves accountable, and more important to keep them to become better people. That's something I want to pass on to my daughter, so here are 25 things I want to promise to her.

MY MANY PROMISES TO MY DAUGHER!

1. I will paint your nails, then let you scratch the paint off and let you dirty them. I want you to care about your appearance but to remember that living and having fun is most important. 
2. I will let you play in my makeup.  I want you to look up to me and practice this kind of "art" without feeling like you actually need it. Play in it. Don't need it....and while you're busy making ruby red lips and bright blue streaks over your eyes I want you to learn to be yourself, whatever that means to you. 
3. I will let you be wild. You might be a home-body and want to read books on the couch, or you might want to jump on the back of a motorcycle (you better wear a helmet, though!). You may never leave this town, or you may be a world traveler. You might fall in love with the wrong boy, but you also might meet "Mr. Right" at age 15. I made my mistakes, and you'll need to make yours.
4. I will be present. I'll be there for your kindergarten plays, your dance recitals, your soccer games...your everyday moments. And when you look through the crowds of people you'll see me smiling and proud.
5. I will encourage you to play dress up and try on my shoes. If you'd rather wear a cape with high heels, or a dinosaur costume with a tutu, I will let you. You need to decide who you are and be confident in your decision.
6.  I will teach you independence. I will show you by example that women are strong. I'll find and follow my passions, and search out outlets for expression and enjoyment for myself..not just for my husband or children. I will define me by my own attributes and not by what others expect me to be. I will find "me", and in doing so I will help you find out who you are.
7. 
   
   I will pick flowers with you. I'll put them in your hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.
8. I will let you get messy. And I'll get messy with you no matter how much it makes me cringe. I will splash in muddy puddles and throw snowballs, make mud pies and finger paint with you. The messiest memories are usually the best ones.
9. I will show you good role models. I will be one of them. I will tell you about successful women- friends, coworkers, doctors, astronauts, authors... I will read to you about influential women- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie...and I will read to you the words of inspirational women- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickenson. You should know that anything is possible.
10. I will show you affection. Daughters mimic the compassion of their mother. I'll tell you "I love you" and give you butterfly kisses.
11. I will hold your hand. Whether you're 3 years old in the parking lot or 16 years old in the mall I will hold on to you always. I will teach you to be confident in yourself and proud of your family.
12. I will believe in you. The moments that you do not believe in yourself, you can trust that I believe in you enough for the both of us. Whether it's a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college...I will remind you of the independent and capeable woman I've taught you to be.
13. I will tell you how beautiful you are. On your first day at kindergarten, when you're grass-stained and sweaty, and on your wedding day. You are my pride, I'll be your reassurance...you are only human, but you are the most beautiful human I've ever seen.
14. I will love your father. I'll teach you to love a good man, like him. One who lets you be yourself...you are wonderful, after all.
15. I will make forts with boxes and blankets with you. I'll teach you to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to crate and to believe in fairy tales. Someday you will make your 5x5 dorm room your home with magic touches and inspiration. You will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.
16. I will read to you. Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle, Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. I will show you the beauty of words on a page and let you see me enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken yet can harvest so much meaning. I will help you to find their meaning. 
17. I will teach you how to love. With passion and kisses. I will love you passionately. I will love your father and sibling passionately. I will express my love and show you how to love with no restraint. I will let you get your heart broken and teach you to try again. I will let you cry, and gush, and giggle and scream. I know that you can love like I love, or hate like I hate...so, I will choose love for both of us.
18. I will encourage you to dance and sing. I will dance and sing with you, even if it sounds or looks horrible (sorry, but it will probably be atrocious). I will let you wiggle to nursery rhymes. I will let you dance on your Daddy's feet and spin in my arms. I will let you blast noise and headbang in your bedroom with your door shut if you want. Or karaoke to Meredith Brooks in the living room if you'd rather. I will introduce you to the classics like the Beatles, and listen to your latest favorite. I will share the magic of music with you and hope that it brings us closer- or at least creates a soundtrack to our life together.
19. I will share secrets with you. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. I will let you tell me about boys, friends, school...I will listen. I will ask questions. I'll share my opinions but I promise I will not judge.
20. I will teach you manners. Sometimes I'll have to be your mother, not just your friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.
21. I will teach you when to stand up, and when to walk away. Be it a classmate who teases you, or a boyfriend who tells you you're too "something", or not enough "something"- I will let you know that you don't have to listen. I will teach you how to demand respect because you are worthy of it. It does not mean you have to fight back with fists or words, sometimes you say more with silence. I will make sure you know which battles are worth fighting. Some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy or other personal reasons. I will help you understand when to shut your mouth and walk away, and teach you to be the bigger...no...better person.
22. I will let you choose who you love. Even when I see through the charming boy you think he is, I will let you love him without my dispproving words: you will do it anyway. When he breaks your heart I will be there for you with words of support rather than I-told-you-so's. I will let you mess up again and again until you find the one. And when you find the one, I'll tell you.
23. I will mother you. Being a mother to you is undoubtedly one of my greatest accomplishments. I will share with you the joys of motherhood, so that one day you will want to be a mother too. I will remind you over and over again with words and kisses that no wone will ever love you like I love you. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for her children.
24. I will comfort you. I know that sometimes you just need your mommy. When you are sick I'll rub your back, make you soup and cover you up in blankets no matter how old you are. Someday, when you are giving birth to your own child, I'll push your hair out of your face, encourage you, and tell you how beautiful you are. I want those to be the moments you remember me for. And someday when your husband rubs your back and attempts to comfort you...you may just whisper, " I need my mommy."
25. I will be home. When you are sick with a cold or a broken heart and you come to me, I will welcome you. When you are engaged or pregnant and you run to me to share your news, I will embrace you. When you are lost or confused and you search for me, I will find you. When you need advice on boys, schools, friends, or an outfit, I'll tell you. You are my daughter, and if you ever need a safe harbor where you can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile, I will be home.